Monday, August 08, 2005

From the Guy on the Other Line, Asking About White Walls

In light of the recent disrespect that the RockDawg pointed out on SportsCenter (saying that the Wild Card would come down to the Yankees, Angels, and A's; with no mention of the featherheads), I thought it would be a good idea to adapt a beloved cinematic moment to imagine a speech before tomorrow night's game in Kansas City:

The Atomic Wedgie: [at a team meeting] Can I have your attention, please?
[picks up a bat and leans on it like a walking stick]
The Atomic Wedgie: I have something I think you all ought to know about. It seems that the folks at ESPN and other national media outlets doesn't think too highly of our worth. They think Mr. Dolan and Mr. Shapiro simply put this team together because they thought we'd be bad enough not to make the playoffs, allowing Baseball Tonight and SportsCenter to continue to ignore us and allowing them to assume that we're playing for next year.
Coco Crisp: Even me?
The Atomic Wedgie: Even you, Coco.
Sticky Wickman: What if we DO make the playoffs?
The Atomic Wedgie: You'll be ignored again, predicted to be on the short end of a first-round sweep, then picked to finish second or third in the division next year...or (looking at Jose Hernandez) given your outright release.
SuperSizemore: [Grady stands up] Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do.
The Stick: What's that?
SuperSizemore: Win the whole f***ing thing. [long pause]
Jhon P.: [stands up] Yeah.
Le Pronk: [pounds his hand] YES!

Don't let the lack of media attention get to you (particularly those from outside of Cleveland). This team will thrive on the perceived lack of respect to plow through August and into September. Let the Angels and A's get all of the attention while they beat each other up in the AL West. The Wahoos will simply slide in through the back door.

Would it be any more perfect? After all, Grady Sizemore does come to the plate to The Doors' "Back Door Man". After that revelation, is there any question which jersey the Baltimoran will be purchasing this weekend?


Anonymous said...

sold...but i'll be real pissed if it ends up in the basement next to my Thomanator shirt

Cy Slapnicka said...

i was hurrying through the last couple sentences, wondering, "did paul just really swing and miss in t-ball? did he hit the rubber post underneath the ball? and a smile crossed my face when i realized, no, he went yard....and with authority.

Cy Slapnicka said...

I just found out how deeply rooted superfan's jinx of the Tribe is. The run parade in the 9th didn't start until after PC went to bed.

Time to start spiking his food with NyQuil...

Rockdawg said...

I haven't seen balls booted like that since I was on Denver in the "Majors". I finally purchased a nice piece of Tribe representation....a Victor Martinez jersey-T...It was a whopping 5 bucks at TJ Max. It was a little disapointing to see Cliff Lee struggle last night, I hope that last night's outing doesn't lead to another second half collapse like he had last year.