Saturday, July 07, 2007

We're Talkin' Wiffle Ball

It’s time to take our minds off of the little hiccup that the Tribe has experienced the last few days (can I put a sign outside Carnegie and Ontario that says “Middle Relievers Needed – Apply Within”?), so what better than an opportunity to play Wiffle Ball with…wait for it…Grady Sizemore!?!

That’s right folks, you can play backyard Wiffle Ball with that American League All-Star, that Sports Illustrated cover boy – SuperSizemore himself!

Now, if you’ve watched any Tribe game this year, you’ve seen the brilliant commercials. If you hail from parts unknown and haven’t seen these gems, they can be viewed here, here, and here.

The best part of this promotion (outside of the argument between Grady and the kid about ghost runners in the 3rd commercial, obviously) is the stipulation that “Winner must be 21 and a legal Ohio resident.”

I’m not sure why that strikes me as so great as the contest is obviously meant for a parent to enter and win the contest for their child and his or her friends to play with Grady some afternoon in a sterile development’s cul-de-sac.

But all I can think of is a group of guys in their twenties winning the contest.
The same guys who play Wiffle Ball under the “Simpsons’ Softball Rules” and just do it as a way to kill an afternoon and a few cases of pops.

For those of you keeping track of the ground rules outlined by the Ump:
You can't leave first until you chug a beer.
Any man scoring has to chug a beer.
You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings.
Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.

Maybe because that’s what I would do as no “sport” is more conducive to pulling a cooler out and tying one on than Wiffle Ball HR Derby, a pastime that occupied a full summer for some idiots at the University of Dayton back in the late 90’s and the same idiots in Lakewood a few years later.

How great would it be to see the look on Grady’s face as he shows up just as the kegs are getting tapped?
I don’t think the 24-year-old Sizemore would have too much of a problem with it.

Actually…how do I sign up for this thing?

7 comments:

Voltaire said...

After reading the headline, I thought this was about Grady's strikeout rate.

Ron Vallo said...

that would have been "whiffle" ball

Cy Slapnicka said...

i just signed up my mom and dad, as they are ohio residents....67 adn 65 year old residents, but at least they'll invite me

Stella K said...

HAHA could you imagine the terror and mayhem that would ensue if a bunch of GIRLS in their twenties won the contest? (this coming from an actual twenty-year-old girl)

It would be the fastet Grady would ever run...

Milkey said...

How funny would it be to have all my friends wear a Colon jersey and looking angry (and drunk) when Grady pulls up?

Would it be funnier if we were all wearing a Lee Stevens jersey?

Angela S. said...

stella: I assume that's why the fine print specifies "appropriate sporting activity," which might be the funniest phrase in the whole thing.

I'm still not sure if this or the Joe Mauer's "looking for a date via E! television" debacle is funnier.

Angela S. said...

and by "E! television" i mean "entertainment tonight." it's late!