Thursday, August 09, 2007

Calling From The Cell

Serial poster (and self-proclaimed President of the Ryan Garko Fan Club) Cy Slapnicka spent the night on the South Side of Chicago last night and weighs in with a road report:

Wow, that was a rough one last night.
It sucks investing 13 innings and then the game ending like that. Thankfully Robin Williams rocked me to sleep chanting, "it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault..."

On a positive note, there were a good number of Indians fans there – far more than I’ve seen in the past. They helped balance the jeans-shorted, tank-topped, and tattooed White Sox fans – the ones that were blasted and heckling, whose only response to intelligent banter was, "Well, we won the World Series in 2005!"
Thanks fellas, but I could already tell by your wardrobe and arm band tattoo that you live in the past. I’d have more respect for their past championship if they weren't such douche bags.

The gene pool on the South Side never ceases to amaze me. I’m still waiting for my first positive experience with a White Sox fan that doesn't involve watching them get arrested. Speaking of which, some idiot ran on the field and did an admirable job at evading security. It was almost like he's done that before.
One of the security guys almost had a nice shoe string tackle but ended up with a handful of air as the shirtless wonder evaded capture. The fans of course went nuts, as I can only assume they were waiting for him to attack someone from behind (perhaps an ump?), as is tradition at The Cell.
That name seems so much more appropriate now that I think about it.

Anyway, a couple fun things:
It was so quiet during extras that when Garko-my-God-did-you-see-how-far-he-hit-that hit a foul down the 3B line (in the 12th?); I actually heard the ump over there call it foul. I was sitting near 1B, so it was kind of cool to hear it so clearly.

We got the Frank the Tank chant going for a while, which I’m sure he heard. However, he still struck out. Is there a pitch he won't swing at?

The silence also enabled us to ask Jose Contreras how he thinks he'll like living in Gary, Indiana and if he likes the Rail Cats unis.

Some dork Sox fan a section over got hit in the chest by a foul ball. It wasn't a screamer, but he put his hands up to catch it and completely missed as it slammed into his chest. He made a nice recovery and got it off the ground, but had a full beer spilled on him in the process. Needless to say, he was heckled mercilessly and probably woke up with stitching welts on his chest. I can only assume he went right to the tattoo parlor and had it tattooed permanently.

As for the team, can we please stop talking about Kenny leading off? Now that I’ve officially seen him in person just walking to/from the dugout and playing catch, the thought scares me. His cool strut from the 90's has morphed into something that would only be cool at an Assisted Living property, only because he wouldn’t be using a walker. And I agree, he can only play against right-handers and it’s probably best we already have a full time leadoff hitter.

Hopefully, Hafner isn't too banged up. We were all confused when he disappeared from the game yesterday. I think it’s high time we slot Garko in the 4-hole and see what he can do tonight.

I’m back for more at the cell with the wife in 7 hours.


Thanks Slappy…and it’s time to bring home a victory from the South Side.

I doubt that I’ll be able to slip in another post before the weekend as I’ll be heading down to the Friday game myself, which pits Fausto and Yankees’ “Phenom” Phil Hughes. I’ll be sitting behind home plate with my buddy Captain Popov, quenching our thirst and (likely) shouting down Yankees’ fans that dare to enter the Jake donning Bomber gear. I’m sure there will be a few “diehards” cheering on their hometown Yanks. You know the guys…the ones that grew up in Medina, North Royalton, and Willowick.

I’m terribly excited, if only to see if Phil Hughes does, in fact, walk on water or if he is able to feed the crowd on hand using only a small amount of fish and bread. That’s what the Worldwide Leader claims he can do, so who am I to argue?

I’m interested to see how the hype machine in Bristol promotes this one and if they even mention the fact that Carmona is pitching or that the Indians are even playing the game during the beatification of Hughes.

Speaking of the Faustinator, file this away as another great El Diablo quote:
Twins’ OF Michael Cuddyer on whether Fausto Carmona has the best stuff he’s seen this year, “'Yes, and nobody's even a close second. Ask a lefty and he might tell you something different. But for a right-handed hitter, nobody is nastier than him.”
Remember that Torii Hunter commented earlier in the year that facing Carmona was like trying to hit a baseball hung-over.

I think El Diablo has the Twins’ attention.

Hey, Hey, Hey...Let’s Go Tribe!

16 comments:

t-bone said...

Branyan already traded to Philly for cash.

Krems said...

Cy,
You remind of a great scene I witnessed a of couple months ago involving a sox fan. I was in the Pittsburgh airport waiting to catch a flight on a sunday evening. Apparently the white sox had been in town for interleague play that weekend and a group must have come in from the Windy City to catch the series and had just boarded the flight before mine. All of a sudden four police officers come walking toward the jetway and you can tell they meant business. They emerge from the plane a few minutes later with guess who, a guy wearing a sox jersey and slurring and swearing up and down he "didn't do nothin". Apparently other passengers were complaining that he was being loud and obnoxious. Well, if that was all it took to get kicked off a plane, Swyt would never be able to fly. Anyways, it looked like they might just give him a stern warning and let him get back on. But this guy was a piece of work and he just wouldn't shut up. He got louder and louder and less cooperative, and after about 10 minutes of ranting, he ended getting slammed face first into wall, leg sweeped, cuffed and dragged off kicking and screaming. Now that's the best lay-over over entertainment you can get!

Cy Slapnicka said...

I forgot to mention. While watching the game on TV Tuesday my wife said she thought Garko was fat. Blasphemy in my house...so I spent 13 innings yesterday trying to convince her otherwise. "See, look at CC, now HE'S FAT. Garko is 225 lbs of twisted steel and sex appeal. Ummm...I said that out loud, didn't I?"

t-bone said...

love the stories, guys. one more in the cell, then two huge series.

come on, laffey boy!

Voltaire said...

Great reports and stories by everbody!

Can't believe Branyan's gone already. So does the Tribe come out ahead, getting cash?

And I hadn't realized tomorrow was Fausto and Hughes - it's on Channel 3, so I'll be able to watch the game in my STO-absent household. All 9+ innings, you can be sure.

Voltaire said...

Heard we picked up Chris Gomez, and Laffey will go down since we don't need a #5 starter for awhile.

While I like the fact that we're going with 2 util infielders, why don't they promote Inglett? And when is Koplove going to come up like he should? Is it not "sexy" enough to go within the system?

doby14 said...

I thought it was just me. What a great read about white trash on the south side. Krems, your description is similar to one I witnessed at Cellular two years ago at a Saturday Cubs/Sox game. A 30-something broad, I can only describe as a smaller version of Peg Bundy, was wrestling with security under the public shower in the centerfield concourse. She was drunk, fell out of her spiked shoes, screaming f-bombs, while being tackled by security. And, finally dragged out of sight. It was only topped by a Cubs win. By the way, why is that shower available to the fans?

Cy Slapnicka said...

many don't have running water at home.

rodells said...

Voltaire, you gotta think Cabrera will be sent down soon, maybe when we recall a 5th starter or if we call up someone for the pen. We won't carry 2 MI's until Sept.

Like the Gomez move. You gotta think Wedge/Shapiro didn't like the idea of Cabrera as our Util. I agree there.

And hopefully the Branyan pennies go straight into Dolan's CC piggy bank.

Mark Rossi said...

Cy,
I was in the section next to the guy who got that foul ball in the chest. Some dipshit Sox fans started heckling us in the 9th inning after I gave AJ Pyziskaqtst a standing O when he grounded into a double play. Needless to say, the guy in the Sox sleeveless tee giving me the finger and repeating f*ck cleveland over and over was the highlight of my night. Too bad the little kids behind me had to hear it.

Michael Beckwith said...

The difference between the North and South sides kill me. Lot's of smoking hot ass up north and the south side leave you guessing...man, woman, or trani???

Been to two Cubs games in the last year. Can't stomach a Sox one.

Steven said...

Wait, wait, someone one from Cleveland is making fun of White Sox fans for being whitetrash?! That is rich. The same low-rent no-goods who boo Thome every-time he returns to the mistake by the lake?

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Fornelli said...

The difference between the North and South sides kill me. Lot's of smoking hot ass up north and the south side leave you guessing...man, woman, or trani???

While that used to be 100% true, it's obvious that you haven't been to the Cell in the last few years. The talent level has risen considerably, which makes watching this team a whole lot more tolerable this season.

Also, criticism of Chicagoans coming from a town which features a guy who bangs a drum all day, and a bunch of fans who wear dog masks to football games don't carry much weight around here.

It's a lovely city you have there!

Voltaire said...

You guys are aware that the Jake is NOT the mistake by the lake, right?

And I don't agree with the booing of Thome - if I were at a game with the Sox visiting, I'd cheer him.

Yinka Double Dare said...

I think he's aware The Jake isn't the mistake by the lake -- the whole city of Cleveland has that nickname. The Jake is a nice park, I've been to a bunch of games there (being I am a CWRU grad), most definitely not a mistake of a park. That would apply to Tropicana Field in Tampa.

The shower is a throwback to Bill Veeck, who installed a shower in the old ballpark. They got rid of it at the old one, but brought it back when they built the new park.

Cy Slapnicka said...

first off, i don't boo thome. however it does make me laugh that his chase for a contender has not worked out so well. i do hope he finally gets one, just not with the sox, yankees, or red sox.

regarding sox fans, i'm just calling them as i see them. you can't walk around that park and disagree with the generalizations i make. i've been to many ballparks and the cell and the majority of its ticket holders never cease to amaze me. and i have been there multiple times in the past few years. btw steven, you didn't exactly refute my point. however, i did have a number of surpisingly good interactions with some very nice and knowledgeable sox fans last night. i sensed that even they were ashamed of half the idiots surrounding us.

and the criticism comes from chicago. i live here and love it here. i am not making fun of chicagoans. strictly white sox fans. i cannot stand up for the city of cleveland, as i feel its been on the downward spiral for quite sometime. if i were going to attack all of the chicago sports i would have mentioned such luminaries as johnny woo-woo, the idiots that jumped in lake michigan during last years super bowl run, and the hawk. and finally, the mistake by the lake was coined for cleveland stadium in the 30's. know your facts.

not sure if anyone is watching the YES broadcast on extra innings. first of all, how do we end up with the yankees tv guys when we are home? i thought extra innings always used the home tv guys? and secondly, they actually stated that our lineup was so weak that when the other team scores 4-5 runs, we don't have much of a chance. um, i wouldn't mind if that was remotely accurate...but are you kidding me?